Friday, November 28, 2008
On Wednesday when i was watching the news on the net, i was shocked by the serial attacks made by the terrorists in the heart of the city. I could see the number of casualties and the places which has been under attack. Suddenly i remembered all my dear and lovely friends and relatives who lives in Mumbai. And i sent sms to all of them enquiring about their safety and health. And there was another story building up in the television news channels that the terrorist have entered Taj hotel and captured it. My heart was pounding and body started to shake when suddenly i recalled one of my friend who works at Taj, i was praying all my gods and hoping that my dear friend will be safe and still alive. i took my mobile once again and started to dial his number, my hands are trembling and i could hear by heartbeat. I called him and thank god his boyfriend took the phone (his boyfriend living with him as living togather for last couple of years). And i enquired about my friend, his boyfriend gave the phone to him and spoke to him and told me he is still alive and safe. Then it was a great sigh of relief(Since my friend was working in a different shift, so he stayed at home at the time terrorist attacked Taj).
Though it was a great relief when i learnt that my friend is safe, but when i heard about the victims of casualities i felt sorry for all of them who lost their life especially the Mumbai Police and NSG. What we are witnessing today is not just a causal and carelessness of our National Security but also the lack of responsibility and administration skills of the people hold those posts. We are spending millions of money on our National Security and Defence and still we are letting the Terrorist to walk on the heart of our Commercial Capital and kill hundreds of innocent people. Recently i heard the terrorists came by vessel boat to the shore and started walking down the street to the City. Iam wondering whether we really need an army or Navy or whatever which cannot stop these terrorists. There seems to be a change of threat to the Globe now that the security threats may not come from the neighbourhood nations but certainly from Terrorists especially from those so called islamic militants.
And i could see Advani, leader of the opposition party blaming the Congress led Government and vice versa our Prime Minister or his cabinet blaming Pakistan once again. I think its time to stop blaming Pakistan, its is time to blame ourself, for our inability to produce a proper administration in place for such a large democratic Country. I think Intelligence Bureau should take the blame for this and been disposed. What our country needs is an Intelligence Bureau which can be active and efficient( most of the guys in IB are in an age of retirement, what kind of active involvement or skill we can expect from these old dogs?). Most of our political leaders are in the age of nearing their death now. They become inefficient or not skilled enough to handle our Nation's administration.
The time has come for India to make that huge change in our political system or adminstration. All those old dogs should be asked to take rest at home and spend time with their grand kids. We will not tolerate anymore deaths of our loved people. We have been patient ,calm and waited enough. It is time for that revolution. It is time for the young breed in the adminstration. It is time to give the torch to the younger generation who made huge impact on our national economy. It is time to give them a chance to rule our nation. Iam proud to be an Indian but also iam a taxpayer,and iam not paying tax for terrorists walking down on my street with their guns and kill my innocent people. Enough is enough...Lets make that huge impact on our nation, lets VOTE to make that change
Monday, November 24, 2008
Do you think you are a boy, No you are just a toy"
There is this song in "Queer as folks" , when first time Brian and Justin have sex. I used to hum this song whenever i have sex with someone, this song will be playing in another part of my mind all the time.
If someone says there is no difference between sex and lovemaking, i must say they are wrong. Finally Arjun came back and we did for what we have been waiting all along, what we have been dreaming about, what our hearts have been pounding since we met, finally it happened between me and him.
Then i realized there is world of difference between sex and lovemaking. Even your slightest fears will become the most significant turn-ons. All the disappointments will add more thirst for more sex with him. Your weakness will become the advantages. Even little bit of hear and there will be the glory of your memory. You can feel his heartbeat pounding on your feet, a song with no words playing all along, you can visibly see his blood flowing all your veins and you can move along the body with a rhythm. The tender touches will turn into more soft pedals, the slightest hesitation will move down below your bed, aggresiveness will become your secret weapon.There will be no clashes of who is bottom or who is top and finally his give up of acceptance to the truth. Oh my god...it was amazing, all my 100 one nite stands will not stand somewhere nearby to his lovemaking. He may not be a John Abraham nor Brad Pitt, but definitely he is the one i have been dreaming all along, fantasizing about, he is certainly the love of my life.
So to all lovely friends, here is my confession...There is a world of difference in sex and lovemaking...So lets put an end to our one nite stands, compromises, disappointments etc. Lets fall in love with someone special and do millions of lovemaking all our life.
Note:He called me later and said the same, it was his first time with a guy. And he really enjoyed and looking forward for more in the coming days by both of us...May God bless all of us...
Sunday, November 23, 2008
Today i started of my leisure time a bit early in the afternoon, its been quite sometime i have watched "Queer as folks(QAF)". so i have decided to watch it once again (i guess 77th time).i bought the whole album at spencers too in January, since then i am watching, watching and watching all over again. People who have not seen QAF ,should watch it right away (so just move your lazy butt and rush to the store to buy).
For gays QAF is kind of bible, it is a kind of mega-seriel (plz dont compare this with our Sun tv serials). The Seriel has been broadcasted all around the globe( nearly 40 channels) and taken in both US version and UK version with different actors ofcourse. it has 6 Chapter each carries nearly 15 episodes( each episode runs for an hour). QAF is all about 4 friends who are gays and their circle of friends. it talks about gay sex, lesbian ,hetrosex, drugs, AIDS , gay lifestyle, gay rights etc.
So here is the plot: The story centered around two childhood friends Michael and Brian, who are in their 30's. It shows the passionate friendship between these two gays, their boyfriends, their lifestyle etc. The story also includes the other characters like Emmett who is a roomate of Mike , Justin who falls in love with Brian , Ted who is an aging accountant and gay, Lindsay and Melanie ,lesbian couples who are friends of Brian and Ted, Mike's mother who involved in gay activism, Ben who is college professor and also mike's boyfriend and their adopted son who is a HIV positive.
The story starts with Mike narrating the story about their friends especially Brian whom he have a secret love. Brian is the hero of the whole story who dont believe in love and goes for one nite stands. He is the hot guy in Pittsburgh and also a successfull advertising agent.
I liked this serial just like Friends or Will and Grace because of its narrative style, sense of humour , dialogue delieveries and also the strong character build ups (not forgetting Brian and Justin hot scenes). Guys who are tired of all gay porn movies must watch it atleast for all the hot scenes involved in this serial (believe me, there is atleast one hot sex scene in each episode). it is no doubt such a quality direction led this serial into success.
Why i said it is a gay bible because it not only a story between gays, it is also discusses and showcase all the gay issues like AIDS, safe sex, career, family approval, life style, costumes etc.(Gosh, i dont think they left anything to show including toilet, cars , babies etc). And i dont want to forget about all those hot looking actors like Brian, Justin , Michael ,they are simply awesome looking and astounding acting display.
So guys if u r not going to watch it ,u r really going to miss something in your life....
Note: My sister found one of the QAF dvd from where i was hiding , well it actually let me told her about my sexuality, atleast one person now accidently known about me.
Why on earth, iam born as a gay, is this some kind of punishment for what i have done in my previous birth or is this a test for my character and personality to lead my life into success and happiness. As we all aware of the societies irregular insight about gays and the rights that has been not shown to live like a normal gay who can find a guy, get married and have kids, just like those Israel guys who got the kids in India (i have recently read it in TOI, those two Israelis are really hot). Well, as usual i have no idea. Though we call that we are living in the world's largest democracy. But are we still have the freedom to do what we deserved or what we wanted. The answer is "No".
Most of us might think the same just like me, Are there any improvement in Gay rights in India. Will there be anything like USA's Proposition 14 will be announced in India. We must accept that we are not just living in a democratic country. We are also living in a country where there is fanatic religious followers can still influence the politics and constitution. To my knowledge Gays have still not got their independence (for people who are poor in history, India got its independence in 1947).
I believe this is what forcing so many Gays not to come out of their closet or live a normal life. Most of us trying to hide the truth, pretending like someone and acting all through our life (some of us are still cracking jokes about gays to our straight friends, i think that is the joke of their life). Are we going to stand unite and fight for Gay rights? Are we going to find that special man and get married to him? Do you think 377 will be removed from the Constitution law? The society will accept you as Gay as like any other guys? (you can bet my ass). It is never going to happen...
So what shall we do? Do we have to commit suicide ? become terrorists? Or openly tell our society that we are gay and just live normal? (Come on guys, it will never happen in india, not in our lifetime, probably your kids may have a chance). So we cannot do all these things, because we dont have that courage, Gays are scientifically soft hearted guys, who cannot even lift a knife...So what are we supposed to do?
Finally i got the answer for all my questions(as i always do). i will go to Canada, take my boyfriend, get married, adopt kids and live happily forever. Well i still love my nation, but iam not a patriot i cannot sarifice my life for my nation nor for my family nor for my friends, because i just have one life to live and i dont want to live without love of my life and pretend like someone. i know it is not an easy decision, it may not easy living life in Canada, but still i can live in a country which treats every human as equal and giving a chance to live their way, where there is recognition for gaysex, gay marriage, gay parents and above all a Gay citizen.
Some may call it selfish by giving up the love of my family, friends,relatives etc. if anyone ask such question, please ask them these questions "Can you live your whole life without love? Can you live your whole life hiding the truth to your beloved people? Can you just forget about sexual satisfaction and just have sex like a machine? Can you just lie to your kids , parents , close friends ,wife above who you really are?" . Well certainly i cant, because i just have one life to live,if i give up my love or my true identity and live like other straights then actually iam a failure, i have defeated myself , i have killed me.
One of the benefit of being Gay is that you will have the superpower or skills or talent or motivation to achieve in your professional career. So i started making my moves to reach my Dream country.
If your parents or friends or any other who truly loved you they will let you live the way you wanted no matter what, but they are all selfish just like you and they will force you to live the way they wanted, so guys wake up, you are not baby anymore. Your father walked away from your grandfather on many ways, now why dont you do the same?.Well the Good news is there are some more countries like Canada which treats gays as equal. So guys you can follow my idea.
Note: if someone still wanted to sacrifice his life for his family or any other, well you can very well join Army, that would be more appropriate sacrifice yourself for both your family and the society.
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Well, i thought i should share some of the sweet moments i had with Arjun (name changed)(Certainly,not about sex). I never believed in the so called "Love". i always thought it is such a stupid idea to hang on with one person all your life and expect him to do the same. What if there any changes that you liked him in him...Can u still keep the love going?...so i thought it is a stupid idea to fall in love. And i was very happy about my one night stands and also some of the friends i have got from g4m(though most of my one night stands were total disaster).
Just like the same when Arjun sent me a messege i thought its going to be another one nite stand, like any other teenager he was reluctant to see me in person and just prolonging his phone chat(well i never believed in it, i love actions). And then one day i lost my patience and told him if he didnt meet this weekend i will never take his phone call again.(well then, it worked) he accepted to meet me.
We met at Inox, as i have already seen Arjun's picture at g4m, i had an image about him, but when he turned up in inox he was a different person all togather. i saw a guy with a goatie and a specs with that so called yo-yo attitude etc. i was pretty sure then he is not my type and iam not his type either. i felt a bit restless and tensed, suddenly lost my cool, i was beginning to sweat and lost my words because i was not really sure what i am going to do with him( i have a track record never been rejected by any of my dates).So i thought tis is going to be the first time someone going to say "No" to me instead of me (but well,it never happened) he said we should go somewhere and talk, so i took him to my favourite beach.
I was more at ease then and we started talking about each other. i then thought Me and Arjun can be good friends (even if there is not sex). it was first time for Arjun to meet someone in person, so he really have no experience of dating. so i had taken full control over and started talking about myself(as usual). Arjun took the overcoat kind of thing he was wearing and just sat there with his t-shirt and jean,he was wearing some kind outfit that actually made me uncomfortable earlier. i felt more relaxed now and then he asked if i liked him.i guess i didnt given him any straight reply then. after couple of hours i had some kind of different feeling that i never felt with any of the guys before ,the best part is rather than the physical attraction or the personality ,there was something that actually taken over and made me feel more ease with him .i just wanted to rest my head on his lap and sleep, so that i can forget about the rest of the world and just have one wonderful dream. i saw a boat crossing nearby the shore and had this thought of taking Arjun with me and go to a lonely island to live forever with him.
Then it was time to part. he asked me to drop him at a nearby bus stand so that he can catch a bus to his place. We went to the bus stop ,but after 30 minutes or so, Arjun actually didnt get the bus to his place( though i saw so many buses passing by) As i could read tamil, Arjun told me his bus was not coming then. I actually saw few buses passing by which goes to his place( i found out that reading the english words of the place in the name board). Then i saw Arjun he was now not wearing his specs, i saw his eyes which was actually looking at me, and reluctant to leave me. i realized Arjun didnt want to leave me. i felt some kind of adrenalin passing through my heart .i put my hands on his shoulder and i felt there was something happening and the guy who stood next to me ,just stolen my heart.
At last after lot of convincing he took a bus at 11.30pm and left. i came back home at 12. i had my dinner and as usual came to the terrace for smoking and then i saw the sms from Arjun...saying "i liked you"...when i called him back i told him i felt the same...Thats how the love story begins...
Note: after couple of days Arjun told me that he thought i might have disliked him when we first met (well then it is a different story)
Arjun called me again today and told me he will be coming back to chennai next monday. i was feeling so bored and restless all these days without him and i started counting the days for his home-coming. i thought it would be a better idea if i could take my mind out of him for sometime and do something.
So once again i started reading one of my favourite novel written by Stephen McCauley "Object of my affection". i guess guys who have not read this book should read it right away (i bought it at Landmark,Spencers).
The story is about the friendship between a gay (George) and his roomate girl (Nina), who is a straight. They share a mutual bond and friendship with a unique lifestyle. They both take dancing classes, go out for shopping and cleaning their apartment. Their relationship become tougher when Nina becomes pregnant by her boyfriend and wanted to raise the baby along with George.
The narration of the story is really classic with a humour touch. i started understanding the differences in the comedy types. The novel carries a bit of sarcastic and self non assuring style of comedy which showcases a gay mindset. This novel has been filmed with the same title casting Jennifer Aniston and Paul Rudd ( i have seen it in HBO, 2 years back).
Note: Dont ask me how many times i have read this novel...i have simply lost the count
I went for the "Talk of the town" movie, Dostana at inox this week, infact i wanted to watch the movie along with my boyfriend Arjun, but i couldn't becoz he went to visit his cousins in mumbai. Instead i went alone for the movie.
At first i thought it might be a hot idea going alone for this gay themed movie (i was expecting so many bi-sexuals and bi-curious guys to be present there, so that i could pick one hot guy). but then i felt bit awkward being there alone watching a comedy movie, but well... the movie was really entertaining. i guess its the first indian movie with a gay theme and also star studded like John Abraham, Abhishek and Priyanka (5 years we wouldnt imagine such a movie in india)
Then ofcourse John , surely he is one of the sexiest guy in the world, with that yellow briefs, show offs of his butt and bare chest, he is simply awesome, i can even hear some of the guys in the theatre whistling when he appears on the screen. The chemistry between John and Abishek worked really well. Though iam gay i must mention about Priyanka's sexy smile( she got that indian sexy looks, i guess so many guys would have dreamt of her that night).
The movie is infact good, dealing about friendship and triangle love like other Karan Johar's movies, but with a gay touch and humour (i hope gays dont take it as personal insult for some of the scenes). And Karan infact did one good favour ending up the movie with an anti-climax showing the transformation of John and Abi into liking each other and remembering the kiss.
I was fortunately sitting next to some college guys from mumbai (it was an accident, i was not desperate to sit next, remember the seats cannot be chosen by us). All 5 of them are really hot. As usual i was counting my luck to find out ways to talk with them and get their phone numbers (and i managed to get one, lucky?). And i spoke to that guy, his name is Abishek too.
I felt some of the gals and most of the guys were watching me in the break time (They might thought iam another John?). And i was wondering whether really i came to watch this movie or wanted to make a statement in the public. I guess i wanted to do both. It was clear statement to the people their that i am gay by walking in alone (i was also wearing a T-shirt saying "Iam different, i live alone and My world is Mars").
This is the first time iam openly stating in public "Iam Gay". And infact the guys who sat next to me became my friends now, and they said they have guessed me that i am a gay (I dont have any single sign on gay looks in my body, iam a straight looking gay). After the movie i went to Elliot's beach and felt happy and relaxed. i felt i did something which i wanted to do for a very long time , i took a long breath and came home. i called Arjun on the phone and spoke to him about the day.
Note: i know that you guys wanted to know what happened with that mumbai guy sat next to me...well i dated one guy ,Abishek