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Monday, May 22, 2017

Never Say Love

Over the years I have written several articles, but this is the first time I am writing an online story with a theme around a gay teenager hoping that you will enjoy reading it. Your comments and suggestions are welcome and it will definitely help me to continue writing this story. I will try to post regularly.

Written by: Vikki
Edited by : Josephus


Chapter 1

Alarm went off exactly at 6am in the morning. Half asleep I tried to snooze it off from disturbing my beautiful dream. I never thought that I would be kissing and hugging Varun in my dreams. And then the stupid clock had to rub it away. Damn thing...

I heard my mom making that horrible noise from the living room. Well, obviously I couldn’t snooze her off. I slowly got up from the bed and looked at my hard on down below the waist. ‘Stupid teenage hormones!!!!’.

College bus would be there at the signal at the end of the street in another 1 hour. I hurried into the bathroom to get ready. Few minutes later I came out of the bathroom with wet hair from the shower I took. I stood in front of the mirror looked at myself. I was wearing only a towel down below my waist. I looked bit better today may be the weather or my present mind set or whatever... I wore my pants low waist and shirt and spiked my hair with gel, took my backpack and went into the kitchen. Generally I don’t have the habit of taking breakfast in the morning; I had never been a morning person.

i said "bye" home to catch my college bus. Wait, I forgot to introduce myself to all of you. My name is Sandeep, people call me as "Sandy". I have turned 18 years of age two months before. I am studying in an Engineering college 1st year specialization in Information & Technology in Chennai. My college is popular for cultural programs and extra curriculum activities. I am little bit shy and sensitive. My dad passed away in an accident at work 6 years before. He was a Central government employee; they gave my dad's job to my mom after his death. I am the only son to my parents. I cried a lot at the time of my dad's death but recovered as the years passed away.

I know now you are eager to know how I look like. You can call me slim but not skinny for my age. I am fair, average height probably 5.8 or something. I have no hair on my body but there is little hair started to grow thick above my penis which is kind of embarrassing. My mom says I have beautiful large eyes which are kind of expressive and thick eyebrows which are very masculine. I am generally clean shaven, but starting to grow a goatee lately. Overall I think I am normal looking, but girls in my school say I am cute. I never took it as a compliment though.

And yeah, I like boys, weird isn’t it? But I cant help it. Few years before in School when friends around me were talking about girls and sex, I realized that I was/am, attracted to boys. Initially it scared me a lot but I got over it pretty quickly. Thanks to the Internet, it helped me understand my sexuality better. I never told a soul that I am gay and I had no idea what kind of reactions I would receive. I like boys especially if they are toned and athletic, I kind of fantasize about boys a lot lately especially in my jerking off sessions. But I never liked anyone in particular; most of my fantasies were around film stars and models. I never thought my sexuality was a big issue until I met Varun last year.

It was my first day of class; I don’t remember what paper it was. Lecturer was a middle aged lady trying to introduce us the subject. I was so bored out of my mind and within few minutes I went into blank and then I heard a boyish chuckle from my left. I turned and looked and then I saw him. I don’t remember exactly how i felt then but he was the most beautiful boy i have ever seen on earth. He was smiling at his friend sitting next to him. He was so perfect like God of male beauty. He got this beautiful golden skin which glowed like a Sun. He had this nice curly black hair, toned physic and mind blowing smile. Everything about him, his face, and body were so perfect and natural. He could have been easily featured in the cover of a teen magazine if there any existed. He stopped smiling at his friend and looked at me for a second, probably a millisecond. But that was enough for my one year jerk off fantasies. His eyes were amazing; his lips were pouty and thick. I lost everything then and there. My heart pulse went into a highway mode, my hands were trembling, I thought I was in a different zone all together.

For few days I was traveling in space like a Mars magnet. My eyes followed the golden boy wherever he was from a distance. I was kind of stalking him in the college. He generally wore bright color shirts which added more effect to his glowing skin and also helped me locate him wherever he was. Generally I continued my stalking from a distance due to different circles we both were hanging out with. He was generally hanging out with wannabe popular students. And he was the centre of their attraction. Both girls and guys were circling him around as if he was their teen idol. He seemed to me as an outgoing, extrovert person, friendly and fun to be friends with. Everybody liked him, even the lecturers seemed to be talking or asking questions to him within few days. I was seated in the middle row bench and he was in the last row. Hardly had I had an opportunity to talk to him, even if I had any I literally pissed in my pants. The point is I never spoke to him but become a silent observer throughout my first year.

Though I had a chance to talk to him in my lab periods He was in my batch along with Swetha, Kumaran, Antro and Hussain but I never spoke to him. He seemed nervous about lab classes and he was generally very quite in those periods. Again, I forgot to tell you his name. His name is Varun, nice name isn’t it?

My college first year went like that. Entire year I never spoke to him a single word. I was not even sure if he knew my name or my existence. But I never stopped stalking him, I knew it was bad, but I had no other choice left. I was shit scared to talk to him or even look at him when he looked at my direction. Somehow I learnt few information about him in that year. His house was nearby to my place. He traveled in the same route bus. My mom bought me a cheap smart phone but I was more than happy to have it. I like listening to music. And i like listening to all those romantic songs through my earphones and watch Varun from the other side while travelling in my college bus.

My mom and I were pretty close knit. We dint have too many close relatives. My mom managed our finances with her income and ensured I had all the necessities. She worked hard and saved money for my college expenses and bought me a laptop and a Smartphone. To show my appreciation to her I was taking care of her burden in the cooking and household chores. I had few friends from School especially Rishi and Mani. Rishi has been my best friend like forever. 

Rishi and I planned to go for a movie that weekend. He was a big fan of Harry Potter, I didnt know what he liked in it neither did I follow the movie, but ever since the first part got released he had been dragging me to all the parts. I wonder why a cute boy like Daniel Radcliffe had to carry a stick around in his school putting himself at risks when he could have been sleeping around with girls or boys for that matter. Whatever... 

The week was pretty boring; it dragged along like a Mega serial. If it didn’t end I decided to throw myself from the lighthouse. The week finally ended after giving us loads of assignments and shit. Unlike other Parents, my mom was liberal and she trusted me a lot. So I had no issues in getting permission to go for a Harry Potter movie on Saturday. Rishi came home early in his bike and picked me up.

He stared at me for a sec and said "Dude, why are you so dressed up?".

  "So what, you want me to be naked or what?". I asked him as a matter of fact.

 "Who cares dude, I don’t mind you know" he looked at me for a second and then said with a smile "but I don’t want your ugly butt on my bike seat man".

I shown him a crooked smile and said "no problem, I'll stay home, why don’t you go alone for the movie".

Rishi said "I can’t do that to my best friend, can I?. He needs Harry Potter education".

Escape is one of the few theaters I like in Chennai. Both Rishi and I had been there ever since they opened it. Within few minutes the movie started, Harry Potter was waving around his stick and babbling all the magic words on the screen. I was praying for a magic to end the film soon. During the interval I decided to buy us snacks since Rishi took care of the movie tickets. I excused myself and went towards the canteen. Suddenly I heard a bang and I felt somebody threw a rock at my forehead. The pain wasn't excruciating but my hand went automatically to my forehead. I felt a small lump on the right. I looked at the cause of the accident and there was Varun standing in front of me wearing a white casual shirt with folded arms and faded blue jeans and a concerned look on his handsome face. 

"Sorry Sandy I bumped into you, can I take a look at your forehead" he said.


Chapter - 2

"Ok, where am I?" I thought that I forgot my whereabouts suddenly.

"wait, let me recall my memories, I left home with Rishi for a movie, I was watching this horrible Harry Potter, went to buy popcorn and banged my head onto something and then suddenly guess who popped? Popcorn ? nahhh, the boy of my dreams Varunnnn. But why was his hand on my face then? oh yeah i bumped my forehead onto him. Can you believe that? The super hot boy of my college, my secret crush of an entire year was touching me???...oh my god, I thought I was going bonkers then. Wait, his beautiful lips were moving...stupid, he was saying something, listen"

"Sandy, are you alright???" his tone sounded so concerned. He was then holding my face with his both hands to take a look at my forehead once again. 

He might have thought that I lost my mind due to the accident. His amazing dark eyes were looking at my face so closely; I found it hard to breathe."Sandy, are you there???" he asked me again.

i regained my composure and replied "yeah, I am fine". 

I saw a sigh of relief from Varun. He was smiling now..."Thank god, i thought you have lost it" he said with a grin, it was so boyish.Yep, i completely lost it, I was standing there like a stupid moron looking at him. He was looking like a Adonis.

"Dude, are you here to buy something?" Varun asked me. 

I looked at him for the hundredth time trying to collect words to say. He looked at me with raised eyebrows and shown me at the direction of Popcorn stand and said "popcorn?". I nodded my head like a 3 year old baby. How stupid was that??? He slowly put his right arm over my shoulder. I felt like an electric shock passing through body, he dragged me towards the popcorn stand. He had that mind blowing aroma like a sweet lime and chocolate around, i wonder what deodorant he was using.

"So what do you like caramel chocolate or salt pepper?" Varun asked me, his thick eyebrows were raised.I couldn't get words out of mouth. All the things I did dream were finally coming true ..but….

"Are you there?" Varun asked me again.

"Yeah, Chocolate" I said. He ordered two chocolate popcorns, paid for it and gave me one. Like a good 3 year old child I took the popcorn, shook my head and went back inside. Before Varun left he gave me this funny look as if I was a weird looking puppy and left. To say it in short I was in a complete dizzy. I behaved like a stupid 13 year old virgin girl. And I was damn sure that he would never talk to me or look at me once again. Who would talk to a clumsy little kid behaving like mentally disordered? My first real moment with my long time secret crush was a complete disaster and I felt like I would never look at him again.I stood there (for God knows how long) watching him leave gracefully and then I returned to my seat.

Rishi was complaining "Dude, where is my coke? And why do we have only one popcorn" he asked

"Stop bitching, I forgot" I tried to shut him up.

He looked at me for few seconds and then said "I don’t know dude, but lately you are like a weird looking alien abandoned by a spaceship, I don’t know why" Rishi said. 'Exactly the point' I thought to myself.

'So let me get this straight, not really, little bit curvy, i mean my secret crush story, its neeeeveeer going to happen, a guy who look like a Dolce & Gabbana calendar model, like a walking sex dream is ever going to like me? ‘Forget that for a second he is damn fucking straight, but who cares’? I am a hormonal rushing teenager; I can dream all I can, right?' I thought to myself once again.

After few more minutes not-so-handsome Harry Potter finally killed the monster, the film ended. God, the film was so horrible. And why on earth Daniel Radcliffe had to wear a full size black gown in the entire movie when he could happily pose nude with a placid cock along with a male horse in London theaters. Somebody should put some sense into the filmmakers here...Any which ways we finally returned home and guess what Rishi decided to stay over at my place for the night. I have been friends with Rishi ever since my Fourth standard. Before my mom and I moved into this house Rishi was kind of my neighbor. We clicked from the very first moment we met. Rishi grew up to become a relaxed cool dude. He got this don’t-care attitude and we have been through our best and worst times. When my dad departed from Earth 6 years before, Rishi was like my rock, he stayed with me for weeks. He has been my best buddy. But unfortunately I have not gathered enough courage to tell him that I am gay. There had been few times I secretly had 'hots' for him at the time of puberty. Even though, lately he grew up to become a good looking guy now with his awesome hairstyle, tall toned framework and seductive lips, I was over that. My feelings towards him kind of drifted apart over the years. And now, my entire world revolved around Varun.

"So dude tell me, what’s happening in your college" Rishi asked me lying in my bed stretched his arms above his head. I could see his smooth well toned chest shirtless but jeans on. Little bit of hair down below the navel.'On any other day in the past if Varun minus in my mind I could totally dig that' I thought.

‘Nothing really exciting, How about yours?’ I asked. Rishi was studying in a popular Arts college. Unlike me, he knew exactly what he wanted.I removed my shirt and jeans and wore my favorite shorts. 

Rishi was kind of staring at my body for 2 seconds and then said "Dude, I think you put on some muscles there, are you working out or something without my knowledge?"

"Nah, i am just doing regular pushups".Well, I was never into sports but little bit conscious of my physic like any other gay man. Rishi like any other straight guy was into sports. He plays basketball for his college now.

"Is there any hot girls in your class you like? Man, it’s so boring in my boys only college" Rishi said.

Moments like those I so wanted to tell him that i am only attracted to boys, but I couldn’t. I was afraid that I could lose my friend over that. I was not even sure how he would react. And then I said

"May be we should switch our colleges" that was the closest i could tell 


Chapter - 3

On Monday I was quite close to miss my College bus. I kind of  excited to meet Varun after the Popcorn incident. I was hoping that my year long silence charade with him will end today and we would talk finally. Rihanna was singing aloud through earphones when the bus stop where Varun gets in came by. As usual like a morning glory dressed in light green shirt and low waist black pants he walked in. His dark brown eyes, waving hair, golden skin, perfect face and sculpted body everything about him was magnificent. You can cut him into several parts and still make hundreds of good looking guys out of him. Well to my disappointment he didn’t look at my side and went further towards the back row seats of the bus. Same case throughout the day in the class, he was that close from my distance yet he didn’t even look at my direction or recognize me. I felt like invisible once again. I gave up totally. Lab session was the last class of the day. He was nowhere in sight, suddenly I felt a warm breathe on my neck and I turned to find him staring at me for few seconds and then gave me that million dollar smile.

"Are you always like this?" Varun asked me. He had this hush tone that could take your breath away.

"Like what?" I asked confused

"As if you are living in your own world, always immersed in your studies etc" he said.

"I don’t know" I said it as a matter of fact.Then he left quietly. The day ended abruptly. I came back home. Mommy hadn’t returned from office. The house was so empty and I felt so lonely. I changed clothes and went for studies. Within few hours Mommy returned home and she came to my room to inquire.

"How was your day in the college?" She asked. Concern on her eyes, there were few grey hairs starting to peek on her head. But she looked beautiful. Without my father I wonder how lonely her world could be. Mom and I ran a close knit unlike other teenager’s houses. We shared most of the things. Even though she was a hard working woman she ensured quality time spent with me. But lately I kept distant and I couldn't share everything with her. I was sure she will be heartbroken if she knew her only son is gay. I wonder if she could understand homosexuality. And I had no reason to reveal the truth to her then and decided not to do that in the near future.

"It was good" I replied to her. She looked at me once again and said

"Why are you not picking up Anita's calls?" her tone was little bit harsh then. Anita is the only daughter of my Mom's brother. She is of my same age. We kind of grew up together. My uncle was the only close relative of my mom. My mom and uncle had been secretly wishing that Anita and I could be married one day. How medieval they could be, huh? I wonder how disappointed they both would be if they came to know about my sexuality. Here in India, most of the gay men get married, sexuality has never been important as long as you get married, build a family and breed loads of children as if population has been a concern here. Nobody cares about individual rights or feelings, it’s all about family tradition and shit culture. No matter how many rockets we send it to space, we are still slaves of so called 'culture'.

"I will" I responded to her quietly. My mom left the room to watch her favorite melodrama in Sun TV. They have been playing that TV for the last hundred years. Few hours later I went to take dinner. I had a quite dinner with my mom while Sun TV drama playing on the background. I came back to my bedroom, took off my t-shirt and sat in front of my laptop. Recently I found a gay friend in facebook, Ashwin. Ashwin was studying in some anonymous college. We usually chat at nights. For safety reasons I never told him my real name or my college. But he was a friendly and cool guy to chat with. Like any other gay boy in India I had 2 facebook profiles one was real and another was fake but gay.

"Whatsupp buddy?" Ashwin said.

"am cool, howz ur college?" I  asked

"boring, so did u meet ur secret crush 2day?" Ashwin inquired.I kinda told him about Varun and I regularly update him about it.

"i met him on Saturday, he spoke to me" I told him.

"really, that’s great dude. What’s his name, u never told me" Ashwin asked.

"Some other time" I typed and then continued 

"so how is ur hottie?". It seems Ashwin likes a guy too but never had the guts to tell him. The way Ashwin talks about it as if his crush is the hottest guy in Chennai. Sometimes I wonder if I could just meet Ashwin probably he would look good too and I could find a lover in him. But that’s not how stupid cupid works, Does it?. I chatted with him for few more minutes and then decided to call the day off.

As I said I was a personal stalker of Varun, I have captured some secret photos of him in my mobile phone. I started browsing it one by one. I removed my shorts a bit down and felt my erect cock. Clouds started forming slowly and then increased it speed. Few minutes later after few violent thunders it poured non-stop. Ladies and gentlemen let me tell you, orgasm is a trap and masturbation is bliss. Suddenly I heard a clasp, footsteps and then the bedroom door open.


Chapter - 4

Rishi burst into my bedroom.

"Shit man, cant you knock the door first" I said with agitation. Thank god, I covered myself with the towel nearby before he could see my jewels clearly.

"Caught you, Police here. Now drop your weapons" Rishi said with a wide grin pasted on his face. His hand formed like gun shaping pointing at my crotch.

"Its totally unloaded, dude" I played along his game and then continued"Why are you here this time?" I asked him.

"My grandma is hospitalized, uncle called my parents, my amma called your mommy so that I can stay here for few days, Can I stay?" Rishi said with pouty lips.

"Man, when did I ever say 'no' to you?" I asked. Suddenly he removed his t-shirt and plunged into my bed and asked me with a wide grin

"So you won’t feel inferior sleeping next to a hot guy, will you?" His grin caused a dimple on both his cheeks.

"You are kidding, right?" I asked him. Even though his question was tempting enough but straight guys around me confuse the hell out of me sometimes. I realized it as just a friendly banter from Rishi rather than a sexual invitation.I went to the bathroom to change into shorts, cleaned the mess and returned to the bed. Rishi was lying in the bed on his back and staring at my naked chest. His eyes were tired looking and his curly hair grown bit longer than the last time but still he looked stunningly good looking. 'God, why do all the good looking men have to be god damn fucking straight?'

"I think I am in love" he declared quietly. I looked at him, he took his stare away from me and now looking at my computer table and said

"there is this new girl in my dance class, She has this dark big eyes like yours and she talks non-stop, would you like to meet her?" he was in a dreamy state, 'lucky girl, huh?' I thought.

"Sure, why not? What’s her name?" I asked him not knowing what to say. If this had happened couple of years ago I might have become devastated.

"Lakshmi" he said blushing.

"Lakshmi ? Really ? When was she born? 1920?" I asked him with a laugh

"stupid name, huh?" he said blushing again.

"So when are you going to find your dream girl?" he asked me when his eyebrows were raised staring at me stronger.'dream girl’, I left a long sigh and said "Probably, never". 

I guessed that must be the understatement of the year.I didn’t know what he thought then but he kept quiet for few minutes and then changed the topic. We spoke about each other’s colleges and slept later.Tuesday morning I woke up with a headache. Rishi was still asleep. I looked at him who was sleeping like a silent new born baby and he was in love with a girl named 'Lakshmi'. How cruel could it be? All I could do was to suck it up and deal with it.After the shower I came back from the bathroom and got dressed. 

Rishi woke up and said "Morning sunshine".

"Are you going to college today or stay at home?" I asked him remembering that he had a spare key of my house.

"I am bunking the college, going to Queensland amusement park with Lakshmi and friends" he said lazily.

I looked at myself in the mirror not happy with my hairstyle and said "Have fun" to him.

After an hour I took breakfast with Rishi which my mommy made and left for us in the kitchen.Somehow I managed to catch the college bus. I saw Varun talking to Anita seated next to him in the bus, she was obviously gorgeous and rich. He said something to her and she was blushing. He was flirting. More pain from the headache. Things couldn’t get any better.I forgot to bring my engineering mathematics assignment papers. Lecturer Dr. Palaniappan looked at me as if I was an earthworm and gave me more assignments as a punishment.I came back home exhausted. I took some aspirins. I went to bed early after finishing the fucking assignments. Few hours later mommy and Rishi returned. I heard them talking about my cousin Anita in the living room.

Rishi came to the bedroom and asked "Why are you ignoring Anita's calls?".I saw him removing his shirt and jeans. He was removing his buckles. And I said

"Why do you care?". He looked at me annoyed and then started talking about the amusement park trip and Lakshmi.

That night I had a wild dream having hot sex with Rishi in the middle of Queensland while poor Lakshmi was watching. In fact the crowd around us gave a thunderous applause when we did orgasm as if they were watching an Oprah.Wednesday was no better. Anita called me on the phone for the thousandth time and I had to pick up the call in the end. She was screeching in a high decipher tone. Finally I had to agree to go to her friend's sister wedding that Sunday accompanying my 'favorite girl' Anita.


Chapter - 5

Weekend was nearing. By Friday, I felt that all the blood in my teenage body was sucked out. I was a tired man who felt like having run a 10,000 meter marathon race and came last.

I wasn’t expecting any miracle that day but I found hottie Varun sneaking glances in my direction throughout SAD (System engineering and Design) class. It was fun watching Ms. Saratha taking the class. She was a hyper excited lecturer who thought the whole world revolves around SAD. When she was excited she spat like a cow and students seated in the front row generally had to guard themselves from the SAD drizzle.

During lunch a slim fair guy called Venkat introduced himself to me as Rishi's neighborhood friend. He was in Mechs. Also he introduced his cousin Medha to me who was in my course. Medha was an open, outgoing and talkative girl. They sat with me in my lunch table. I saw that Varun was having his lunch with Preeti Mohan and few other popular girls. Golden boy seems to have formed a fans club of his own. It was nice having a chat with Medha and Venkat. We exchanged our mobile numbers before we left the Canteen.

Nobody hates weekends but I did. 

On Saturday I decided to immerse myself on Internet. I logged into my Facebook real profile. I typed Varun Anand in the 'search' column but I couldn’t find him. I tried various other combinations of names to find his profile. He was nowhere in sight. Finally I tried to find Preeti Mohan and got her profile. I looked into her friends’ list, she had like 2000 friends in it and most of them were boys. After several hours of browsing I finally found my golden treasure in it. Varun had several photos in his profile and lot of friends. I thought of sending friend request to him but my fingers refused to press the 'Add Friend' button. Well, if they had an 'Add stupid secret crush' button I might have pressed it. Instead I ended up sending a friend request to Preeti Mohan.

I found Ashwin online in my other FB profile when I logged into it. I had a chat with him about Rishi's Queensland trip, Varun's new fan club and Anita's friend’s wedding. Ashwin said that I must find a way to talk to Varun somehow. He even gave me an idea to invite Varun to my house for booze and seduce him. I laughed it off as perversion to the core. I wonder why Ashwin couldn’t find a way to talk to his secret crush or seduce him for that matter.

Mommy made vegetable rice and fish curry and kept it at fridge. I took it out heated it in the microwave oven. After the lunch I got bored. I decided to take my bike and roam around for some time. Well, if I said my bike took me to the street where Varun lived, you must believe me. But he was nowhere in sight. I felt like a crazy stalker and returned home with a sad face.

In the evening I went to Rishi's place. Together we went to play football in the nearby playground. Some of our old friends from school joined us. I told Rishi about Venkat and Medha. Rishi called Venkat on the phone and invited him to join us in the game. Within few minutes I saw Venkat coming in a scooty pep. It was funny watching him wearing a tight short pant, sleeveless shirt and driving a girly bike. He waved and smiled at me when he saw me in the playground. It was getting dark when we got tired of kicking the ball. Venkat invited Rishi and me to his house to play some videogames in his newly bought play station. No teenage boy could refuse that offer.

Unlike mine Venkat's house was a mini bungalow. His dad was working in Dubai as a chief architect, figures. I was surprised to meet Medha but learnt that they were living as a joint large family along Venky's. Venky took us to his bedroom to play games.

Medha came to the room with a coke bottle and biscuits. I found Medha flirting with me little bit but surprisingly I was comfortable with her. When Rishi told Medha and Venkat that I play guitar both of them looked at me as if I was their pop idol. Above all I had fun being there. When I left their house it was 9'o clock already.

I regretted waking up 

on Sunday with a good health. Mommy seemed to be in a happy mood. She dragged me to the grocery shop and bought everything she saw. When we came back home Anita was waiting in our doorstep. Allow me to describe Anita. On good days she would look like one of those animated characters in Cartoon network who chases after poor Jerry. On bad days nobody wants to see her face. I had tolerated her nuisance since childhood. Somehow our elders in the family let her know their wish that Anita and Sandeep are meant to be married and it gotten into her mind. And lately she took it as her favorite project to ensure poor Sandy falls in love with the mighty Anita. Unfortunately her favorite future would be was lusting after boys.

The moment she saw me, she tangled her hand with mine and said

"I bought a shirt matching the color of my dress. You are wearing it to the wedding" She ordered like Queen Victoria.

I knew how horrible her selections of clothes were. I looked at my mom for help. But I found my mom looking at her brother's daughter proudly. I gave up. I took the shirt from Anita and went to my bedroom for change. Mommy and Anita were busy in the kitchen. Lately Anita has been coming to my house for cooking lessons from mommy. I thought there was no escape from that ancient hell hole. Madness was on display. I looked at the shirt Anita bought for me. It was red in color with black large stripes. I might look like MGR in 70s color films.

I got dressed and took Anita in my bike to the wedding. Anita introduced me to dozens of her friends as if we were already married. She didn’t leave me alone not even a bit. I was losing my temper every second. When we went to the stage for a photo with the newlywed couple Anita made a display of mockery as if her future husband looked better than the bridegroom. Finally 3 hour long torture got over and I dropped Anita at her house. She made me promise to take her for a movie. Not even for million dollars I would do that.

Later that evening Rishi came home with a smile.

"Good news, I sent a Facebook friend request to Lakshmi and she accepted it. I had a chat with her last night for 2 hours" he announced.

I wonder if it was good news to me, I looked at him and gave him a warm smile. "Where is the treat?" I asked him not knowing what to say.

"Well, I bought your favorite silk dairy milk" he gave me one from his jeans pocket. I thought I could devour any other chocolate coming from that jeans. 'God, I am a pervert and desperate now lusting after my best friend for years'.

"So Medha, huh? I saw you drooling over her at Venkat's house" Rishi said with a grin.

"Jeez, no. She is just a friend" I said with an irritating tone.

Rishi looked at me for few seconds and then changed the topic.

"So how did it go with Anita today?" he asked with a teasing smile.

"Dont even ask" I told him.


Chapter - 6

 received a friend request from none other than the golden boy himself on Facebook. There is an old proverb in Tamil that 'you have only gone to worship God but ended up seeing that God himself appeared in front of you'. Now having access to browse his entire profile with no restrictions I went through every detail of Varun Anand. After an hour long detailed discovery of my Greek god I accepted his friend request with trembling hands. God, I so very much love him.

I guess Varun accidently came across my profile while checking Preeti Mohan's and decided to send me a pitiful friend request since we were classmates after all.

I also received a comment from Preeti Mohan for one of my recent photos "Looking hot Sandy". So she thinks 'I am hot or something', was she kidding? Not used to receive such compliments before I simply sent a smiley as a reply to that.

Monday was murdering, somehow my alarm clock stopped working and forgot to wake me up. I managed to wake up only after my mom gave a solid pounding on my bedroom door for several torturing minutes. I cursed everything around me. I rushed into the bathroom and got ready. But when I hurried to the bus stop I quickly learnt that my college bus left me like an orphan kid. I called my savior, Rishi. Within few minutes of waiting I saw his bike approaching me like a storm. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that my best friend loves bike racing. Every time there is a challenge to race his bike he will take it gladly. He rode it in what speed only god knows to drop me off at my college as if he was duty bound to ensure I reach their own time.

And then he took his helmet off and flashed me a photographic smile. His long hair was all over his face. I recalled Tom Cruise in MI 2 scene. I noticed several girls at the campus gave him a longing stare as if they had met their Prince Charming for the first time in their life. He looked back and waved at them acknowledging their staring.

He gave me a wide grin and said "You owe me big bro". Before I could reply, he turned his wheels swiftly and rode back to wherever he wanted to go.

When I went inside Medha and Venky were standing in the hall probably arguing something. They stopped whatever they were arguing about and smiled at me. Medha looked like an angel in her white salvar and curly black hair. Venky didnt seem like he was in a good mood. And I ignored it conveniently, whatever fight they were I didn’t want to be included. Classes in the morning were undoubtedly boring; it bored the hell out of me. On top of it Golden boy Varun acted as if I was nonexistent in his planet. He was so busy whispering jokes and playing silly games with his girls fan club. My irritation was boiling up to the limit of a sleeping volcano.

During lunch period I was having a quite lunch with Antro and Srini when Medha and Venky joined us in the middle. Antro and Srini both were excited to have a female presence in their lunch table. Suddenly Antro said to me "Dude, that girl who sits next to me in EM asked me for your phone number. I think she likes you". Antro was grinning at me like a mad cow.

"Why do you think she is interested in me after all the boys in our class?" I asked him innocently.

But Srini looked at me as if he didn’t believe what I said and said "Come on dude, haven’t you seen yourself in the mirror lately? Half of the girls in our class think you are hot and most of the guys including myself are plainly jealous of it".

Well, that was quite news to me. I wasn’t sure if I should take it as a compliment or an insult since I made an impression on the wrong gender of my liking.

But Medha interrupted my thoughts and said with a crooked smile "Yep, at first time when I saw you, I thought you were definitely a model material".

Unbelievable, these guys must have become insane or trying to make me as one. "You guys are joking right?" I asked them to find if I could change the topic.

"Nope" all four of them said it in unison and then I kept quite.

I saw hot boy Varun seated himself in a table at the far end of the canteen. As usual he was surrounded by his girls fan club. Our college popular whore beauty queen Preeti Mohan was literally sitting on his lap shamelessly. Vegetable rice that I was having for lunch didn’t taste like rice at all, canteen food was at its worst. I cursed the college management or whatever and went to throw it in the bin. After stashing my food, I thought of having a coke. Our canteen system worked like a busy commercial centre. You had to wait long in the crowd to buy your food. I smelt a mouth watering body fragrant close by, it was so masculine. Varun was standing next to me. His shoulders were touching mine. Suddenly all the hormones in body had become extra active. I moved little bit closer to him and his warmth built a rapid orgasm within me. Due to the less space the crowd managed to push Varun even closer to me. For balance his left hand gripped shoulder. That was when I panicked due to the erection bulging in my pants. I was literally shaking. As if realizing my panic state, he turned and smiled at me unconsciously, Steve Jobs could have sold it for billion dollars. His smile was so pure and electric. Even an asexual impotent woman would have become conceived by it. I was a poor little teenage gay boy, probably the only one in the planet standing next to a Greek male god probably created by the almighty as an outstanding product of his career. No wonder I was having a fucking erection of my life.

"Sorry dude, the crowd is so violent today" his raspy voice was pushing me closer to a premature ejaculation.

"Its okay, I liked it" I blurted it out of my mouth. I could hardly heard what I said since my voice was so low. It was like a moan escaping when you get anal fucked.

I panicked again on what I blurted out just then. 'I liked it', really I said that?

But it seems he didn’t hear it or he ignored it as if he got used to the kind of influence his physical closeness could bring to people. He looked at me for couple of seconds trying to read my face. And then said

"Are you not feeling well or something? “You are kind of shaking".

I didn’t know how to react to that question. There was a genuine concern in his tone. But I managed to reply "I guess so".

He looked at my face again and said "Sandy, why don’t u go out of the canteen and get some air? I’ll get your coke and join you there". It was not like a question rather it was a command. To avoid any further to my pants and make a horrible mess, I nodded my head and moved out of the canteen in a hurry.

There was a beautiful veranda right out of the canteen entrance. It was located close to basket ball court of our college. I went there and sat quietly. My heartbeat was getting better and erection was disappearing. Few guys dressed in track suits playing basket ball in the court. They seemed careless about their surroundings but focusing on the ball. Just like my focus on Golden boy for all these days. My world revolved around him but he was clueless about it. I wondered how many girls might be feeling the same way about him right then.


Chapter - 7

Teenage life is like a ball, you know. It bounces off quite often; finally I had to end up being in a basket. Yep, I was officially blabbering then. My mind was racing in a Formula one game. I tried to keep every fucking thing under control. And that includes the bulge in my pants. Few seconds before it was threatening to rip my pants “thank god” there was hardly anybody walking down in the veranda otherwise I would have been a show boy for free for every eye to see.

Few minutes later, Varun came and sat next to me. He was carrying a Lemon ice tea and coke. He gave me the Lemon ice tea and said "I think this would make you feel better than the coke".

His face was shining like a golden jewel because of the sun shades falling over us. Probably I was imagining all these events. Him talking to me, buying me a not-so-tasty Lemon ice tea. These things might be my dreams and then I realized it’s all really happening. He was watching me drink the tea.

"So you are on face book, huh?" Varun asked me. He grinned at me; there was a little dimple on his right chin. God, he was so edible, I could eat his face all day.

I managed to give him a smile in return.

"So you are friends with Medha huh?" he asked me.

"You know her?" I asked him back.

"Kinda, she was in my school" he said

May be that was not about me, it’s about Medha, I guessed. Brushing the shoulders in the canteen and buying me lemon ice tea and then sitting alone with me in the veranda: that was all about her. Varun the golden king to play with the queen Medha the girl, Sandeep the stupid gay boy is just a pawn he wants to move with. Suddenly I lost interest in his playboy game. I wanted to run as far away as possible; probably to another planet called Mars where there are no girls existing.

I stood up "Listen, thanks for the tea. I gotta 

 go now" I said and turned my back towards my classroom.

But he held my hand and stopped me "Can we see later?”

I wonder why he wanted to see me later on or whatever... I nodded my head and moved on.

Things went quickly that week due to Semester holidays. Anita called me like thousand times and screeched on the phone. My mom never bothered. On Friday night I was watching 

 news on Times Now about the lives of transgenders. My mom quickly changed the channel out of fear. After dinner I went back to my bedroom to chat with Ashwin.

Rishi burst into my room while I was changing my clothes.

"Jeez, don’t you ever knock?” He grinned at me like a dog and said

"Well, I love your shocking face bro" and continued "Are you really wearing floral under wears?" I saw him staring at my boxers which made me queasy.

"At least I am wearing one" I snapped back at him, trying to picture him without one. He would obviously look sexy with that awesome toned body. I wonder if he was clean shaven down there since generally he was a clean freak. Sometimes it amazes me how on earth he finds time to cut his nails perfect every time and keep himself well groomed. He caught me staring at him. But he gave me a wide stare and then a crooked smile "I am awesome, am I not?”.

Suddenly I felt that was my best friend since childhood who has no gay genes in his blood whatsoever standing in front of me. And I was as horny as a bitch even trying to ogle someone I had literally grown up with. My mind was full of dirty thoughts and I feared if ever Rishi found out the kind of thoughts that ran in my mind I wouldn't be sure if he would like to see my face ever again.

He seemed to me in an energetic mood as he always was. With a simple ripped jeans, a red hoodie and curly long hair he looked like a runaway model but with a careless attitude. He never made me feel nervous, his smile always comforts me. But I was not in a good mood particularly that day because of my Veranda situation at my College today with Varun.

"So what’s up with chikki today, not in a good mood, huh?" Rishi asked me. 'Chikki' was a nick name that Rishi gave it to me when he was 9 years old. Whenever we had a man to man conversation he calls me by that name. I kept myself silent not knowing what to say. He was directly looking at my face with a question in his eyes.

"Whats wrong with you these days Chikki?". He asked me trying to read my mind. But I was well versed playing that hide n seek game with him as I have been doing that since puberty.

"Nothing, what’s wrong with me?" I asked him back with a challenge in my eyes.

He stared at my face and then turned towards the window. He was silent for few seconds. It was so not Rishi.

And then I heard him saying with a soft voice, it was kind of at a loss.

"You are so secretive, mysterious and kind of like d-i-s-t-a-n-t" the last word was not like an accusation rather sadness.

I gulped, here was an awesome boy standing in my bedroom who had been nothing but nice to me all these years. He stood by me on all my good and bad times in my life. He even stayed and cried with me for several days when I lost my father. It reminded me that I have been kind of avoiding his calls quite often especially whenever I was occupied with thoughts of my stupid crush Varun. What’s really wrong with me...?

"I am sorry Dog man, I had this fucking internals and I think I am going to fail all" I lied to him.

"When did you ever fail a subject man, no kidding" He smiled at me with an assurance. I thought he was happy that I called him by his nick name that I gave it to him in the very beginning of our friendship.

I was probably 7 years old wanting to get myself comfortable into the new house new city I moved into due to my dad's job transfer. I loved the street; it was so straight with plenty of large trees on the sides. Rishi was living next door. At first I didn’t know that, but I found him riding a small bicycle alone at the playground in my street. He had that puppy dog face with big eyes and black curly hair. I thought he looked like a Pomeranian. I was so bored without a company on a Sunday So I went nearby him and asked

"Dog man, can I have a lift?" my voice was so soft and baby like. He looked at me for few seconds; I wondered what he thought of me then but then grinned back at me.

"Sure, do you have a ticket?" he played along and allowed me to sit back seat of his bicycle. From then, we were inseparable. Luckily, my parents put me in the same school of his. Our friendship grew stronger and stronger by the days gone by. But last few years I had found myself attracted to boys when every Tom, Dick and Harry were talking about girls boobs and legs. Sooner I found that I was different. Then it came as a shock when I realized my crush towards my best friend. No matter how hard I tried it never went away. Rishi grew up even more handsome and attracted girls wherever he went. And I felt sober and alone. I tried to keep a thin line between him and me for the betterment of our friendship. I could never afford to lose him.

I was looking at the windows trying to recall fond memories of our friendship when Rishi brought me back to Earth.

"So would you go with me?" he asked me with a slight hesitation. I had no idea what he was talking about.

"Where? I asked him confused”.

"Where you even been listening to me for the past few minutes? I want you to meet Lakshmi" his face was blushing into a strawberry. I looked at him even more confused, but managed to ask "Where?" again.

"Cafe day dude, u, me and Lakshmi?" he said with a restless tone. It seems a vital to him that I meet his future girl friend. I wanted to say 'no' to him, but I could hardly say that to the puppy face he was keeping at that moment.

I nodded my head like a cow ready for slaughter even though I was completely unsure of that arrangement without knowing the consequences that was awaiting to happen.


Chapter - 8

Varun was standing at my bedroom door naked, like completely nude. There wasn't a single cloth on his golden skin, revealing everything like the day he was born. He had the perfect abs showing his hard work at gym. His chest was like a Greek Adonis with protruding round nipples. There wasn’t single hair on his body except one place that too nicely trimmed. And yeah armpits. As I imagined his cock was enormous proving its power of masculinity with fitting balls. He was so gorgeous which made me lose words to describe some of his body parts. He had a glorious golden covered face and giving me an inviting smile. I couldn't take it longer to that heavenly sight. I burst into a deep orgasm gasping a loud moan. I came non-stop and then woke up from my dream.

I looked at my shorts dripped wet. I never had such a wild everlasting orgasm in my life before and it’s all because of just a dream about Varun. Awesome, I thought to myself. I got up from my bed and hurried into the rest room. I came out of it clean and exhausted.

It was a Saturday morning and I heard television making noises from the living room. I was hungry already. Lazily I moved out of my bedroom and found Rishi comfortably seated in the couch eating Noodles and watching some stupid Football match. He was showing his bare chest wearing only his shorts. His hairs were all over his face. He looked calm and careless. He gave me his trademark puppy dog grin.

"Hi, Sleepy head" he greeted me.

I went slouched myself next to him in the couch. We were always comfortable with physical contact. Even though I am gay, it never bothered me either.

"What are we having?" I asked him while looking at the television screen.

"Mom made noodles, its awesome dude. I wonder how aunty comes with such a delicious one while hurrying for her office in the morning every time?" he said.

"You can have my share, I’ll take bread and jam" I announced still looking at the TV screen. They were playing commercials now.

"Thanks man, so are we ready for the awesome day today? We are going to meet Lakshmi at Cafe day at 10" He reminded me.

I was amazed at the number of times he used 'awesome' on a day. I should have named him as 'awesome dude' instead of 'dog man'. I nodded my head as a reply to his reminder and then entered the kitchen to do my search party for the breakfast.

Rishi could hardly wait. He moved me out of the house 9'o clock and dragged me inside the Cafe day in no time. He was generally punctual which I hate to the core. He loved being the first guy to arrive when he was scheduled to meet someone. There were thousand instants he scolded whenever I arrived late to meet him.

The Cafe day was opened last year round the corner of my street. It was small but elegant. I seated myself next to Rishi, physical touch was obvious but he didn’t bother or rather clueless. We ordered two Cappucino and waited for Lakshmi to arrive. Few minutes passed by when I saw Medha and Venky appeared at the entrance, I must say I was pleasantly surprised to see them but not Rishi. It seemed he already planned this all.

Medha and Venky came and sat with us. I had to move to another double seat so that Lakshmi could sit next to Rishi when she arrived. Somehow I felt alone, I didn’t know the reason. We laughed at each other jokes for several minutes. Surprisingly I never had trouble chatting with Medha. She was always friendly and spoke with confidence. I thought I found a female friend for the first time in my life. Venky was not the same, once in a while he was giving me an envy stare which I ignored without any regard.

We glanced at the entrance once in a while to meet Lakshmi, Rishi's future girl friend. But the person appeared at the entrance gave me goose bumps at 200 km speed heart beat. Golden boy was dressed like an Oscar award winner. He was in a black party suit with a silver lining in its corners. His hair was neatly gelled and combed. His face was so bright like a bollywood star. He kind of resembled actor Arjun Kapoor with a combination of Imran Khan. I couldn't take my eyes off him. My friends at the table especially Rishi noticed him too.

Medha made a low scream only audible to four of us.

"Oh my god, look who is here?" she said with an astonishment.

"Who is he?" Rishi asked me with a touch of possessiveness. I never imagined I would have the two best looking boys of my life in the same room. They both had contrast styles. One had a careless, athletic sports star look and another had a magnetic rock star look.

Varun wasn't alone as expected. He was with a girl obviously looking like a runway model. She was tightly wrapped her hand on Varun as if she owned him.

"Who is he?" Rishi asked Medha that time.

"You don’t know him? Are you living in the forest or what? He is the Varun Srinivas. His dad Mukund Srinivas is the owner of RG Enterprise which owns the 2 shopping malls, 2 complex theatres, one five star hotel and runs several businesses. He is a big time socialite. Haven't you ever seen Varun in Page 3?" Medha asked Rishi.

"What is Page 3?" Rishi asked carelessly.

"Page 3 is a dedicated page of Chennai Times, Chennai Chronicle etc where they publish the photos of celebrity parties". I told Rishi.

"So what? I saw Actor Arya here last year" Rishi was an innocent idiot.

"Varun is not just rich and popular, he is also a classmate of your best friend" Venky joined the chorus that time.

"How come I have never been told" Rishi looked at me as if I was a criminal hiding an elephant from him.Which reminded there were many I wasn’t telling my best friend.

"It’s not important, he is not the Prime minister of this country, I don't care really neither does he cares for my existence" I wondered if I tried to convince him or myself.

Suddenly I was so impressed with the table mat. Venky and Rishi were talking about a stupid football match that I remembered Rishi was watching that morning at home.

"Hi Sandy" I heard a raspy voice next to us and found myself staring at the golden boy standing next to our table looking at me. Medha, Rishi and Venky were watching both of us silently.

"Hi Varun" it slipped out of my mouth. I kind of battling my eyelashes at him and he was looking at me with a sense of excitement. I started sweating, honestly not expecting that unexpected meet of my secret crush in front of my best friend. Around the corner of my eyes I noticed Rishi watching me closely so as Medha and Venky. They were frustratingly calm. I could see the kind of magnetic spell that Varun could have on people. The ambience was centered on him and he was the centre of attraction without any doubt.

Rishi was staring at me now more closely I was sure there were hundred things that might be running in his mind right then. I wondered why Varun was even here. End of that meet there could be only one result could happen. Disaster...


Chapter 9

Cafe day was quite like a grave yard. I could hear Justin Bieber murmuring 'Never say love' somewhere in the background. I would have preferred 'Vellai Pookkal' of AR Rehman's instead. I definitely needed peace then. I thought I was running a temperature.

To avoid the awkwardness building around the table Medha interrupted and said "Hello" to Varun and then continued "Why dont you join us for a coffee?".

Venky gave her a stare that was unreadable.

"Hey dude, I am Rishi" Rishi introduced himself with a smile. Varun returned it back with a smile.

As if he suddenly remembered the girl he came with. He turned to Medha and said "Thanks Medha, but I need to go, I have a girl waiting" he pointed to the girl sitting cross legged in the corner impatiently.

I remembered the wet dream I had that morning. Similar to the situation in the dream I had, Golden boy was surprising me with his presence but this time he was wearing clothes.

I let a sigh of relief once he left our table. Few minutes later Lakshmi came and joined us. As Rishi said she was a talker and she spoke non-stop. I kind of liked her. Every time she uttered a joke or something she was slightly brushing Rishi and he was grinning and blushing like a mad dog. I was sure he was enjoying it. I felt a pang of jealous creeping inside. Over the years nothing came between Rishi and me. Our friendship was indestructible. I ensured even my gay thing on him didn’t spoil it in the past.

I looked at Varun from my table. He was holding the hand of the girl and flirting with her. I couldn’t possibly hear anything. I felt left alone. Medha was trying to drag me into the conversation several times in spite of evil glances from Venky. I was sure he was madly in love with her. So everybody got somebody except me, the naive little gay boy.

We left the Cafe day finally. Before leaving it I let one final glance at Varun. He waved at me, like a celebrity to his fans.

Rishi was annoyingly quite at the ride back home. It was irritating.

He dropped me at home but asked me a confusing question before leaving.

"So who is he?"

"Who is what? I asked him back

"That guy in the Cafe day, Is he like your best friend now?" he was kind of looking at me as if he wanted to kill me with his stare.

"Woah, Why is this tone? He is just guy I know in the College" I assured him but I didnt think Rishi believed me.

"Just a guy? Do you want me to believe that? I saw you there looking at him like the way you look at me, so is he now your new best friend?" He asked me again.

Jesus fucking Christ...How could I possibly explain it to him without letting him know that I had a secret crush on my best friend for several years in the past. So all these years I looked at Rishi with love and deep crush and he thought it was something of my best friend thing. How blind and naive he could be. Though it was all to my advantage of me hiding my unrequited crush for him.

Suddenly I was so upset and frustrated of my situation. I was angry at myself, the way I was born with, angry at Rishi for being so damn straight, Varun for making me feel like a 13 year old virgin girl every time i see him. I was angry at the world in general and I showed it to the only person I had in my life.

"You know what, I don’t want to explain it to you for fuck sake, Bye" My tone was so harsh I didn’t want to see the pained reaction in Rishi's face I hurried into the house. I heard his bike leaving my house with loud noise within few seconds.

Rishi called me several times that night but I didn’t pick up his calls. I was in depression. Like a true melancholy boy, I wrapped myself in my bed cursing every damn God on earth. A teenage boy's true curse is being gay and understanably I realized I was truly, madly and deeply in love with Varun. I had no one to share my feelings with. I heard my mom's tired footsteps returning from office.

I went to her room and looked at her sympathetically. She looked really tired and exhausted.

"Ma" I called her. She looked at me questioningly.

"Where is Rishi? I thought he is staying tonight" He was like her second son.

"He left home ma, Do you want me to cook dinner for you, you look tired" I changed the subject by asking that.

"I would appreciate it really" She smiled at me with affection. Since dad died, the world revolved around me, ma and my best friend. We three lived in our world most of the times. She taught me cooking. Rishi taught me driving the bike. I decided to callback Rishi and apologize for my outburst. He was an important part of my normal life.

I went to the kitchen and started roasting Chappatis. After dinner I went back to my room. Ashwin was online but I had no mood to chat with him. I decided to go to bed early. There were disturbances while I was asleep and I woke up by a phone call from an unknown number. I looked at my mobile phone it was 12'o clock and who on earth could call me that late? Definitely not Rishi.

I attended the call and heard a familiar raspy voice from the other end.

"Hi Sandy, are you awake?" Varun asked me. I was surprised that he called me on the phone and above all that how did he know my number?.

As if to answer the question on my mind, he said "I got your number from your facebook profile".

"Hi, well I am little surprised" I accepted it.

"So I was going through friends’ list in facebook and saw your number in your profile. So thought of calling you" there wasn’t any sign of regret from him for calling me at midnight or stalking my profile. He made it look like as if we had been friends for years. There was some kind of assertive tone in his voice. I wondered what this was all about.


Chapter - 10

It was slowly eaten up by clouds. Moon wasn’t worried about it. May be it knew that sooner it will be released by the clouds. It was visible from my bedroom window. Slight breeze coming from it and I noticed the shake of leaves from the tree close to the windows. House was freaky silent. There was no noise except a raspy voice coming from the phone I kept close to my right ear.

Varun was talking from the other end of the phone line.

"Hey, what are you doing?". I couldn’t believe that he was talking to me.

"Nothing" I said trying to respond to him.

"Get ready in 10 minutes, we are going out" Varun ordered me.

I had no clue where he was planning to take or how he knew address of my house. But I shook my head as if he would be able to see my nod through my mobile receiver. He hung up the phone without even waiting for my reply.

I checked my mom, she was in deep sleep in her bedroom. I went back to my room, wore some faded jeans and a tee shirt. I took my keys and went out to wait for Varun.

I saw an Audi car steering into the street in full speed. It stopped in front of my house and its window open in a flash. Varun was there in the driving seat wearing a black silk shirt. He waved his hand signaling me to get into the car. I felt it like a dream. I opened the car door and got myself in. A heavenly fragrance filled my nostrils immediately. Varun was wearing a scent which could kill anyone in a minute. He looked at me for a second and smiled. I had no idea what was happening in my life overnight.

Audi took off and reached Pasha within few minutes. Pasha was a hi-tech pub where the richest people of the city hang out at night. I have seen it from outside several times.

"Come on" Varun whispered to my ears, it was so seductive. He was holding my hand, I couldn’t believe anything. We went inside. Varun almost knew everybody out there. Film stars, models, fashion designers, industrialists, old aunties with fake accents and large purses, high class prostitutes everybody came and spoke to him. I found their smiles and ‘hi’s were completely fake. Varun introduced me to them. Varun gave a glass filled with pink vodka or something. Soon few girls came and dragged me to the dance floor. I saw Preeti Mohan talking to Varun, she was whispering some stupid joke to him and he was laughing. The girls who dragged started shaking their hips with me. Alcohol got into my system, I was dancing along with them. The sound was bizarre; DJ was increasing the music beat rapidly, disco lights swirling like a snake. Crowd was going crazy every second. Everything was maddening out there. I wanted to get out.

Varun was watching from the other end, somehow sensing my discomfort, he came into the dance floor and dragged me out. His hand was on my hips.

"Are you drinking for the first time? Why didn’t you tell me?" he was asking me with a concern.

"You never asked me" I told him as a matter of fact.

"I am taking you home" he said taking the car keys out of his pocket.

Within few minutes, we were back to our house. I struggled to take my door keys from my jeans pocket. Varun saw it and came closer to me. I could feel his breathe, it was so pleasant. He let his fingers inside my jeans pocket and took the keys out. I felt my heartbeat inside my jeans. I didn’t think any gay boy on earth expected a Greek god like Varun could keep his hand on his jeans. I was rock hard and I didn’t think he realized it.

I went to my bedroom followed by Varun. He looked at my room posters and everything. I thought my room was kind of empty nothing fancy or spectacular about it.

He sat on my bed looking at me for something. I had no clue what to do. There were hundred things I planned on doing if he ever comes to my bedroom but nothing came to my mind at that moment. The random thoughts circling around my stupid non-working brain had mostly erotic thoughts. I didn’t want
to do anything crazy and weird him out.

To avoid silence anymore Varun asked "So, this is your room, huh?” Probably that was the question of the year. But I didn’t care to reply him; I didn’t think he was expecting any response from me either.

His eyes were shining like silver due to the moonlight from the windows. He was staring at me again. I was sure I looked like a zombie beaten up by thousand goblins.

"You look so beautiful" I heard him murmuring, it came like a bullet that hit right into the middle of my heart. I looked at him and gave him a weary smile. He was obviously drunk too or my ears were cheating me due to my monkey like drunkenness.

"What???" I asked to confirm what I heard by mistake.

"I said you are beautiful, you must have plenty of girlfriends" He was kind of like enunciating every single word as if he was talking to a 3 year old girl.

"Beautiful might not be a suitable word for a boy, I guess" I babbled it out of my mouth.

He looked at me once again as if surprised by my stupidity. Here he was, one of the hottest guys this planet had ever produced complimenting another boy's look which would be hard to come from a damn straight guy in this country and I, the dumbest boy on the planet trying to be a grammar police.

He stopped looking at me and then laughed. He shook his head as if saying something to himself. Got up from the bed and said "Whatever".

He came close to me, I could smell the scent he was wearing, and it was so masculine. He whispered to my ears "I really like you Sandy, we should hang out more". Before I respond he immediately left my room. Within few minutes I heard his Audi leaving from my house.


Chapter  11

I was stunned. There was nothing I could think about then. I thought my brain system was entirely collapsed. I stood there like a statue trying to recall what happened few minutes before. There was no sign that Varun was present in my bedroom except the sweet masculine scent he left in my room.

'He said I am beautiful', 'also he said he really likes me'. I needed a new Pascal language to decode what happened then. 'So, is he gay or what?'. The question was erupting like a huge volcano inside my stupid brain. I tried my best to keep everything in a sequence and bring some logic into it. And then I got so tired of thinking and slept within few minutes.

I woke up like a true zombie. My hair was all over my face. I stood in front of the mirror and refreshed my memory on what happened last night. 'He said I am beautiful'. How can he say that and just leave me a mad man. As if insanity was lacking in my system. My mind went crazy. The entire day I was roaming around the house like a boy whipped by a ghost. My mom tried to decipher my mood swings and then she gave it up in the evening. I was watching 'Maanada mayilada' on some TV even trying at the gimmicks made by Kala. She was over dressed for the show certainly. The dancers were pathetic, each of them trying to praise and compared Kala to Madonna. But even after watching that illogical show, my thoughts were circling around the golden boy. My mom was completely frustrated by Kala's gimmicks; she ended up watching Discovery channel. Probably she thought crocodile mating was better than the dance show.

The evening was so damn boring and meaningless. Nothing could cheer me up. I was completely restless. My mom brought me a chicken pizza which was untouched by me. She must have been surprised or rather worried of her son's unenthusiastic interest to touch it. I decided to study something for my internals which looked like non-existent in my college calendar. I sat with a Data Structure book. My mom was clearly worried now; I could see it in her eyes. She came close to me and touched my forehead to check my body temperature. She gave those worried vibes. She even tried to call Rishi twice but fortunately for me he didn’t pick up the call. After several times of trying to sneak into my room for unreasonable excuses and roaming around in front of the room she finally gave up and went for sleep. I could see the Pizza at the dinner table lying like an orphan.

I had enough of Data structure bullshit. I threw the book as far as possible; I never wanted to see it again in my life. I didn’t like a single word it said not even a bit, it was so gibberish. Finally I called off the day and went to bed.

I noticed 7 missed calls from Rishi, 2 unwanted messages from Anita and 1 'Hi' whatsapp text from Varun. Let’s not have a guessing game here. Obviously I ended up responding to Varun.

He had sent me 2 selfie photos of us that he took at Pasha. Surprisingly I looked a bit handsome in it, he was standing so close to me to pose for the selfie, it looked like he was kissing my cheek, he looked so cute standing next to me. I had no idea why I refused to return Rishi's calls. Until yesterday he was an essential part of my life but now I was totally ignoring him. Let God save our lifelong friendship.

On Monday Varun came and sat next to me in the college bus. He smelled like a morning glory. His chocolate flavored body deodorant was so mouth watering; I desperately wanted to eat him alive for breakfast. He was wearing a cargo formal pants and pink color shirt. He didn’t speak a single word to me not even a 'hi'. He rested his hand on my shoulder and took one end of my earphone and kept it in his left ear. I was listening to god knows what I was listening then. I was drugged by the chocolate masculine aroma around me. He turned towards me. His lips were so pink I could paint dozens of roses.

"Wow, you smell so good" Varun said. The bus driver was a big pot belly old guy with a stupid toupee on his head. Sometimes I wondered if his eye sight was alright. He was driving the bus as if his life was depended on it.

"Thanks, you smell like dairy milk chocolate" I responded him boldly. Let’s just say that was the boldest I have ever said in my life.

He gave me a curious look and grinned at me seductively, he could kill me with that one "Do you like it?" he asked me as if my liking was vitally important to him. He came even more close to me. His other hand was kind of touching my thighs now.

"Yeah..." I stuttered. I was in seventh heaven. All the angels were queuing up in white gowns to throw the flowers at me. I was so scared that Film director Bharathiraja might turn any minute and cut the romantic scene.

Varun didn’t say anything after that, his hand were still resting on my thighs. It was so cold. He kept silent until the bus reached our college campus. Preeti Mohan was nowhere in sight.

Mr. Thyagarajan was our college principal. He believed that he was running a tight ship. But the ship had many loopholes and ran by the worst and boring lecturers ever. I had to go through the routine classes even if it killed me.

And then I had this elective called Prologic with no logic at all. Just think about this whom on earth will come up with a language for Robots? As if we were lacking in human population, they were producing man made machines to do things like man and Japanese trying to create a language for them, so gross. So I was sitting at that Prologic class like forever, Preeti Mohan was giving me those weird looks, I guess she had a boob job, it was grossing me out completely. But Varun wasn’t disturbed by any of that, he was trying to score at least a half century with his million dollar smile and showing of his hairless fit chest. Allow me to tell you that girls are so mysterious. Mind that, you would never know how they will behave on certain situation so Preeti Mohan was ignoring Golden boy’s smiles and she was giving me those weird looks as if she wanted to mouth rape me.

The class took so long thought I died like hundred times in between. Finally I heard those sweet heavenly sounds from the period bell. I have escaped from the cage and ran for life to catch the college bus. Varun stopped following Preeti Mohan and ran towards me. I thought something was going to happen and it might not be a good thing, figures.

"Hey, stop" Varun came close to me trying to catch his breath.

"Whatsupp dude" I sounded like a character in the Simpson's cartoon.

"Why are you running like a deer, I need to talk to you?" he said.

"Ok, so what do you want to talk about?" I asked him. I had my doubts that he might have discovered my gayness towards him on Sundaynight. I had a boner of my life then and he might have noticed it.

"Can we plan for our upcoming cultural? I would like to pair up with you for a dance" Varun said

'Dance with me??? Is he kidding?' I thought to myself.

"What the fuck dude, I dont dance" I told him with a confused tone.

He gave re-assuring smile and said "don’t worry man, I’ll be there with you and girls are gonna love your looks"

'what is wrong with my looks? Is he nuts? I just have a normal average teenage boy face and physic' I wondered

"Man, I spoke to Preeti and her friends today at Prologic class and they think you are so cute, they would love to see you dance on stage" Varun said without removing his stare from my lips.

"Really dude, I don’t know" I told him hesitated.

"Don’t worry man, i am going to take you to my place this whole week after college and train you dance" he said. I think he had some hidden agenda behind taking me to his place. But I wasn’t worried about that, Golden boy can take my virginity anytime.

"Ok" I told him half heartedly.

We both got into the bus and within few minutes got down together at Varun's stop. He was walking briskly next to me towards his house wearing a white and black striped formal shirt and brown tight pants, his ass looked so sexy in it. I found it hard to take my eyes off him. He was careless.

When we reached his house, I was amazed at its size. It wasn’t a house, it was actually a huge bungalow. And a golden name plate in front with his dad's name on it.

He took my hands and dragged me inside. There were million things running on my mind and I could do nothing to control it.

His parents were nowhere on sight. Being rich has its advantages I guess. His bedroom was so fucking enormous. I kept my mouth at the size of the room. He gave me a shy look and said.

"Welcome to my palace" He was looking at me waiting for a response.

"Well, this is really big comparing to my room" I told him.

He looked at my eyes and said "I liked your room, it was so homey"

I was surprised at his modesty and then he continued with a hesitant as if wondering Whether he should say it "and you were so horny in it". He was glaring at me without taking his eyes off me, expecting again for a response. I was shocked and speechless.

"I wasn’t" i couldn’t admit the truth.

"You were, I saw it, you had a raging hard on when I said 'good bye' to you last night" He said with a casual tone but ensuring he was right about my hard on.

"I don’t know dude, may be, it was alcohol" I told him with a defeated tone.

"Its ok man, it’s normal for teenagers like us. I get it all the time. Look, I am having one now" I looked at his bulge; surely there was a visible erection inside his pants.

Slowly he was taking off his shirt like a stripper. Unbuttoning one by one and I could see his golden hairless skin. He had this trim and fit chest which would have made any athlete jealous of his body. There was not even a single hair on top. His nipples were so pink. He had a close to 6 packs due to his heavy work at gym regularly. There were few signs of hair growing down below his navel and I wanted to rip his pants off and check the rest of his gorgeous body. Truly his body was a gift to a gay man for sight. I would have never guessed I would be standing in his bedroom looking at him half naked. And then he whispered

"Sandy, what are you waiting for? Come and join me".

His raspy voice was so sexy; I thought I was going to cum in my pants any moment.


Chapter  12

Let me introduce to the world of male beauty and its perfection. Have you ever seen the statue of Antonius in Italy? Google it’s pictures at least if you have not seen it in person Antonius was the beloved boyfriend of Roman Emperor Hadrian and he wanted the perfection of the male beauty to be sculptured. Unfortunately I was not born on those days neither I was a sculptor on those golden days. Antonius was probably 18 years old exactly the same age of Varun Anand when Hadrian ordered his sculptors to depict his looks in the sculptures.

I am not trying to compare Varun and Antinous but probably Varun could be easily called as the perfection of male beauty and I was not an emperor who could order anyone to depict his looks as a sculpture. So I was simply standing there like a dumb statue (probably an average one) staring at the naked male flesh at display. I guess Varun would have had some instincts or rather uncomfortable zones so he looked at me questioningly and asked

"So are you going to dance with me with your shirt on, Sorry but I sweat a lot and I don’t want to spoil my new shirt. If you feel uncomfortable I can wear a sleeveless or something".

I might be dumb but I was not stupid enough to lose the only chance of staring at the male naked perfection in front of me. So I shook my head vigorously and to create a comfortable ambiance around I took my shirt off. May be it was a mistake because Varun was staring at my shirtless body and his eyes were piercing at my naked skin. I had never been shirtless in the presence of others except my mom and best friend Rishi. Varun was literally gawking at me now.

"woah, you got a toned body? You look awesome. Where did you get this fitness, I have never seen at playground" He was not trying to accuse me or anything but simply making a statement. He didn’t take his eyes off yet.

"I worked out at home, I do pushups and I play football every week with Rishi" I said hoping that Varun knew who Rishi was.

I looked back at Varun who then throwing his arms up in air. I could see his growing armpits glowing like dark stars in his golden skin. And he said "Whatever dude". End of the story.

He took his iPod from his pants pocket and connected to a large speaker kept in the corner of the bedroom. Music started playing slowly, it was little bit fast beat Techno. It was a nice selection from him. And he started shaking his hips, it was so manly. His pants loosened up a bit and it came down few inches showing his costly underwear brand to me. He had shown his both hands towards trying to drag me towards him. I felt like a hypnotized monkey. I caught his hands and then he pulled me in. He was shaking his head getting into the rhythm of the music. To me, everything was so blank; there was no music in my ears. Since the object of my affection or rather I should say infatuation standing few feet opposite to me shirtless like a Greek God.

He pulled me even further and his hands were on my shoulder. I guess he learnt the art of seduction somewhere or it came to him naturally along with his looks package. And he used it unconsciously to lure girls and boys to his love nest. After all the permutations and combinations that was the only theory I could come up with finally. My imagination was so wild, I felt like standing in the middle of the forest on fire. His body was smoking hot, literally and figuratively and the heat radiating from his body caught me like an Ebola Virus. I just had hope that I didn’t die out there with a huge erection building inside my pants like a Qutb Minor.

It was a curse of a teenage boy whether he was gay or straight or bent. My hormones were spiraling like a money plant on fast track and Varun was totally oblivious of my situation which was gone completely out of control ever since he took his shirt off.

I made a blunder of my life, I decided to divert my perverted mind out of Varun naked flesh and its feel. I forcibly brought all the ugly lecturers in my mind, nope it didn’t help and then I recalled all the teachers I had in my entire school years. Their ugly faces refused to help me either. And then somehow Rishi's face cross tracked into my imagination. He looked so peaceful, his smile was so comforting, I could have won a Nobel Peace prize with it. To my surprise, the erection in my pants subdued slowly but the physical proximity I was having with Varun still existed so I continued to be in Trans-state, my equilibrium was lost several minutes before. I heard Varun's raspy voice so close my ears whispering

"Loosen up dude, keep your hands and body not so tight. Just feel the music and my body movements and dance along with it

I thought to myself 'well, I loosened up so much I might burst my nuts any moment, I think I was feeling too much of his body movements but not the music, figures. I need professional help here to get me out of any further trouble from the contacts of another naked boy flesh'.

I never been a religious person, but that day I decided to worship my native goddess which was kind of scary looking. I started praying for help to avoid any mischievous thoughts appearing out of my perverted brain. It kind of helped a bit, might be because of the scary looking goddess face or whatever...

But Varun decided to be a Devil's favorite advocate on that day to test an innocent 18 year old gay boy who was having hard time controlling his hard on. He came even further to me; everything on his body was touching mine. His beautiful pink lips, sculpted chest, dangerous navel, bulging arms etc were trying to touch at least one part of my body or other. I never even had such a scenario in my wildest sexual fantasies and I had no clue whatsoever to react to this boy's seduction but he was oblivious to everything and was dancing like a madman holding me in his hands. Thankfully the music stopped. I could feel his breathe so close my neck then. I stood like a lifeless wood.

He looked at my face for few more seconds. His face was magnificent, his lips, thick eyebrows, his straight nose, his long hair falling over his forehead, everything about him were so perfect. And I couldn’t take my eyes off him and then he said

"I think I need water, I am so thirsty after the entire dance" He left the room immediately and came back with a bottle of water. I took it from him and gulped half the bottle. It was so smoothing my lungs and out of control moods. He walked towards the bed so gracefully and took his shirt in his hands.

"I think we should try it until Friday after the college, then we would be all set to rock on stage on Saturday at Cultural, what do you say?" he asked me.

I stammered a "Yes" to him.

He started wearing his shirt back. I looked at him. There was a slight formation of bulge in his pants but I couldn’t figure out the reason for it. Probably the Trans music did it to him.

I couldn’t take it any longer, I said "bye" to him in a hurry and left his home.

On the way to my house I started wondering the feelings I had towards Varun. Undoubtedly he was good looking and sexy. Any girl or gay boy would find him attractive but I had those other feelings which I couldn’t figure it out. Like the way I care about him and his friendship. Like the way I worship his walking style, his voice, his questions etc.

Finally I decided that I was deeply, madly and crazily falling in love with the golden boy who was so damn straight and quite oblivious to my feelings towards him. And I had no fucking clue to get out of it.


Chapter - 13

Tuesdays is not a good thing. If I had a time machine I would go back to Roman period and remove Tuesdays from the calendar. It should be banned along with Mondays. Those were the days they gave us dozens of workload at Colleges. I wonder why lecturers chose a particular day to burden us with assignments. It seems everybody hates Tuesdays and Mondays then why the hell we have it in our calendar. We could erase it as simple as that.

But no, never, Tuesdays existed with abundant assignments and issues for me and I had to suck it up and deal with it and not being a drama queen about it.

Varun was at his useful, cheerful and seductive mode trying to charm every single species that came his way. Fortunately I managed to keep a low profile and stayed invisible from his sight and spells. I ignored all my regular paths, kept myself busy at classes and completely abandoned canteen which ensured Varun not crossing my paths.

Unexpectedly, when our college bus entered the campus in the morning I saw Rishi waiting for me at the entrance on his bike. I had realized that it had been a while I saw that handsome face. His helmet was off, with long hair hanging on his shoulder and black jacket; he looked like a qualified bollywood hero for the next Dhoom 4 film. He waved his hand at me the moment I got down from the bus, Varun was standing behind me. To avoid any unnecessary scene in front of the college I hurried to meet Rishi.

"Hi, so this is the only choice you gave me to see your ugly face, huh?" Rishi started to speak with his useful comfort smile. There was nothing cunning about it.

"Sorry dude, I was busy with internals and all, I couldn’t pick up your calls" I said.

"It’s ok man, you don’t have to come up with stupid excuses. Our friendship is way beyond all those, you know" He was saying to me without quitting to smile.

"I know right" I assured him, I know I made a blunder ignoring him and he has been my best friend for so long that I felt guilty giving him wrong excuses.

"So I heard you are going to dance, huh" he poked at my hips cheerfully. He was changing the subject to avoid any discomfort between us, just his useful self.

"Yeah right" I replied and then automatically looked at Varun who now joined with Preeti Mohan who was walking towards the classroom. Rishi followed my glance and looked at Varun for few seconds and then stared at my eyes and said

"So you are dancing with Mr. Popular?" he asked me.

"I guess so" I told him deliberately creating a non-exciting tone.

"hmm..." was the only reply came from Rishi, there was a hint of possessiveness in it.

"I am going out with Antro and few of our friends to Mahabalipuram in bike this saturday. You are not coming, I guess" He asked with a puppy face. In the past I had never said 'no' to that face but that time.

"I don’t think so, I have the culturals on Saturday" I told him hesitantly.

Rishi shook his head and started his bike engine.

"Ok then, I’ll see you later. Ask your friends to take pictures of your dance and WhatsApp me" He said which brought back his dimple smile.

"sure" I left with a sigh of relief.

He was about to leave but before that he said "Listen, I really miss you. So give me a call when you are free, ok Chikki?" his masculine voice kind of became soft. There was so much of care and concern in his voice which broke my heart. He was my best friend for life who loved me unconditionally. If he wasn’t so damn straight I would have poured my heart out to him long time back. But I couldn’t since there was that huge barrier between us. If he knew what I was going through and with my thoughts he would definitely hate me. It was so painful that I couldn’t share my secrets with him.

I just managed to shake my head and said "hmm..." to him.

He stared straight at my eyes for few more seconds. There was so much he wanted to say but our friendship wasn’t like that we never poured our heart out but we have always been for each other. It stood tall on all good and bad times.

His bike roared like a starving lion and then he left in his bike. I walked back to the campus.

Life had never been easy for me especially that day once I left college to home. As I said Tuesday is a bad thing, I had a nervous breakdown at home. I have always been a bright student, scored good marks etc. That was one of the reasons my mom never followed my progress of studies or had strict study rules at home. She had too much of confidence on my studies. But for the first time in my life, I failed in Data Structures and I was supposed to get signature from my mom in the internal papers. Not a good thing.

I was watching some ridiculous comedy show when my mom returned from office. She kind of gave me a weird look. Sometimes I think she looks funny with her short and stout frame, her eye glasses made things even funnier but I loved her, she is my mom after all. She informed that she was so tired after heavy workload at Office and not really interested in cooking. I dialed up Domino Pizzas and ordered two Mexican chicken pizzas which was my mom's favorite. My nervousness about my internal results hadn’t gone down. I ended up watching an even more ridiculous tv program which was about Beauty parlour. The lady on the show was wearing too much make up which didn’t suit her old age. Her tamil was even more unbearable. My mom gave me this look which had all kind of dangerous signals. I know that motherly look.

"Are you unwell?" she asked me with a soft tone as if I was still 3 years old. I knew her motherly brain has been thinking about plunging a thermometer in my mouth any moment.

"Nope" I shook my head vigorously to assure her that I was physically alright.

She looked at me few more times and kept silent. We both continued to watch ridiculous beauty parlour program. I had no complaints from my mom about it either. I still couldn’t bring a nerve to talk about my internal mark to her. I had no idea how she would react. After the tv show got over Pizza guy came home and delivered my orders. Mom and I started eating the pizza silently, we were now watching news about Ebola disease on BBC. They were showing decomposed bodies from Liberia while I was having my second piece of Mexican chicken pizza. I thought I might puke any moment but I refused to change the TV channel.

After our dinner my mom left for sleep and went into her bedroom. I was nervously walking back and forth at her doorstep. I wasn’t sure if she was aware of my presence in her bedroom door. After few more minutes I hurried back into my room, took the Data Structure internal papers and fake signed my mom's signature on it.

--------------------------(to be continued...)
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